Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
This girl is more easily done than said...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
