Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
