Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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