I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
