There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
