I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
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She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
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Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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