It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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