i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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