were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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