someone owes me an orgasm
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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