so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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