She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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