Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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