Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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