He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
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I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
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Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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