Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
