I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
