Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.