When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here