I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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