Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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