I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
