My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
