I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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