I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
