i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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