Sry I called you an 8
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
