Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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