I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i will never coherently bang her
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Randomize
