ya dads aren't the best wingmen
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
