I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
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There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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