i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Randomize
