Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
