My first STD was from a foam party
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
