i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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