I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
