i barfeds in our rink
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
