Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
