just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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