i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
