Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
