Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
