Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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