she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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