Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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