Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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