I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
