why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
