I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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