not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize