This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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