6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.