$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"