fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY