Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
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I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
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Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers