Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
