The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
