I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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